With basketball in full swing in tandem with the release of Godzilla vs. Kong, I needed to face the most pressing question. Who would win in a game of one on one?
There are so many great sports debates out there, so many that it is frustrating that we always fall into the same ones. Jordan or Lebron, Peyton or Brady, the 2017 Warriors or the 1996 Bulls, Federer or Nadal. What makes these so timeless are that the case for either side has major bones and when argued correctly, are hard to dispute. There are no right answers. These questions power sports to be the juggernaut it is today on traditional and social media. But I saw a picture that led me to a bigger (sizably bigger, like a building) question. Why are we not debating the true battle of two generational talents? Who would win on the hardwood mano-a-mano, Godzilla or Kong? Today I'll explore the cases to be made for both ancient ballers.
Through a quick Google, this question was answered swiftly. Kong loses here, as he has, from my research, little to no basketball experience. At face value, he would have the ability to be the more complete player of the two. And if he had more experience, I'm sure he would come into his own. The same can't be said for Godzilla. This man has seen the court. And he's played some of the best.
First, in 1992 in an alleged "Nike Commercial" the King of All Monsters squares off against none other than Mr. Charles Barkley. And to be fair, I don't like what I see on the tape from Mr. Zilla. Look here.
From a scout's perspective, while having some initial quick hands (or tail?) to free up the ball, Godzilla is beaten by the Round Mound of Rebound's quick first step. And while yes, I do agree that Chuckster probably would have drawn an offensive foul today with the forearm shiver to Godzilla's grill, keep in mind this was in 1992. Men were men, blood was drawn, teeth were lost, genuine crimes against the Geneva convention were committed on the court and nothing was called. None of the nonsense flagrant one or two BS in these literal streets. I need to see more toughness from Godzilla here. Jordan would be taking his lunch money and moving on to dunk on Mothra after this. However, I give him style points for the hot pink goggles.
Afterwards, the pair met again in a comic entitled Godzilla vs. Barkley.
Per a recap I found, Godzilla is running amuck and Charles, by the power of a magic coin is given the size needed to battle Godzilla in his place of weakness, the basketball court. Charles works the King and gives him a little encouragement after. The frames from the original comic tell it better than I ever could.
Judging from his exquisite finger roll in the last frame, during the hundred years after Charles left him Godzilla has clearly worked on his skills, and without a doubt his soft touch around the rim. So, while he may be 0 and 2 on the court, he has at least played and gained some experience. More that can be said for Kong.
Starting with quickness and agility and coordination, the edge here with half to go to Kong. He's quick off the jump, springy legs, and has opposable thumbs (then again Godzilla might, I can't stop thinking about the finger roll comic frame, but I'm going to assume he doesn't have them.). He will most certainly be able to get past Godzilla like Chuck did with a quick first step and have a clean look at the hoop.
Pertaining to strength, advantage Godzilla. Having some power in the hips is essential in hoops, and good god, look at the hip comparison. Godzilla is clearly stacked and built like a dump truck. Good luck moving him.
Now to the biggest basketball measurement, the height. The gamebreaker. Their accepted canonical heights are as follow
Godzilla: 355 feet
Kong: 312 feet
I went ahead and converted these to basketball heights. Let's assume Godzilla is 6'9" then Kong would be a generous 6 foot tall. That's significant. For the sake of this exercise we will give the score-ee the ball after a made bucket because there is just no way Kong will see the ball after the taller, stronger, thicker hipped Godzilla takes Kong in the post every damn time.
There is certainly no shortness of toughness or grit between these two. Both have a penchant for getting beat up and returning the beatings in kind. I'm sure neither alphas will be backing down in this contest. However, as far as court vision goes, I'm giving the edge to Kong. It looks like he actually has peripheral vision whereas Godzilla's eyes are way too close together on his head to be seeing anything to the side. This will also factor in with his vision to see the basket for when he is shooting his patented Zilla sky hook. I'm going advantage Kong on vision but a draw for toughness.
There will be blood, sweat, dislocated shoulders, cuts, buildings and cities decimated, families separated, but I have a hard time seeing Godzilla not coming out on top. Kong will have some lucky with his speed driving to the hoop and handles with his thumbs, but Godzilla's sheer size advantage will give him the edge. Not to mention that he has been on the court with some all-time greats and seen how the game is played. I doubt Kong will have an answer for the Kaiju Dream Shake or that sweet finger roll he's been known to use from time to time. He's been waiting since Barkley for an opponent. Preparation? Advantage Godzilla.
Jake Smith is an engineer, son, athlete, scholar, corn chip connoisseur, lover, and "a stand up cat". You can reach him firstname.lastname@example.org